Edds fall
by o5brownc
Summary: Edd returns home feeling like an utter failure going no where. One of his friends is going to take this chance they thought they lost to show him how much he is loved.
1. Chapter 1

As you get older many of those around you who grow along side you eventually disperse being replaced by entirely new people. This then in turn adds to your own growth in character combing your knowledge,experiences and influences for further understanding of the world around you.

Edd was one of those people who left those who once surrounded him. This was currently his understanding but he knew he was still very young in the bigger picture of life,inexperienced in many issues life dealt an individual or even its pleasures. To return home at eight-teen he felt like a failure as he held such promise and ambition for something more. Highest grades,deep thinker and an incredible tolerance for those around him. The very characteristics as a child however he held and the ones his parents installed upon him through a very strict style of parenting lead to a nervous disposition. The first day of university he started to slightly twitch and panic,by the end of the month emerged in something entirely new and so free he was on the floor rhythmically hitting his head and shoulder against a fresh green laid carpet. The school and his class peers were very understanding but as he grew worse the embarrassment only encouraged him to close up and it was a choice to leave for health reasons, not work capability. Though this was his own decision in his mind this wasn't how it was, or how his parents and old chums would see it.

Head hung in the back seat of his fathers very smart efficient car which was in no way personal, Edd scratched at his knuckles ignoring the view as it started to become familiar. He found scratching though if repeated would blister was a more discrete alternative to twitching if possible. He was returning home with no qualifications and no new experience of any worth and this left a heavy weight on his chest. Sighing deeply to him self he closed his eyes as he raised his head and as if on cue the car came to a halt and he could no longer feel the odd sensation of movement while sat still. Edd looked to his left timidly observing the same sights again and parted his lips, he hadn't expected a welcome party. Slightly saddened by yet again being right he gave the street a once over again hoping to see anyone to greet him. Empty.

He still wore the same style he had grown up with a reputation for. A red baggy t-shirt which he felt but secretly knew never worked to allude you of his small undernourished frame,black pants and a sock hat all for similar effect. It wasn't that he didn't eat his food he just wasn't raised with an adventurous palate. He ate simply out of monotonous routine to give your body fuel to move. His blonde shaggy hair all broken and split on the ends was the one thing he felt adventurous as it was something his parents insisted to protest with detest. He loved them but sometimes it felt good to rebel against something. He would argue he wasn't one of those depressed individuals who would cry to anyone who listened or considered him self badly done by. He knew he hadn't experienced life to the fullest yet to claim anything as dramatic but he was very bored and sad to live something so out of control yet strictly ruled and planned. it was as if his life was meant to follow some plan and design but had went so drastically wrong from his expectations, he had a tendency to over think he concluded as these thoughts littered his head with its negativity as a distraction.

Walking towards his childhood home tracing the same steps for the hundredth time his mother had opened the small average six-foot door as if to welcome him in grand entrance. As he tried to brush passed wanting to return back to his room she gave him a quick embrace and expressed something between pity and disappointment disguised as something more warm and kind. It wasn't that she didn't love her son as she did dearly but a child who doesn't meet a mothers full expectations can be harder to love and she was a calculating women. Love wasn't something she felt needed in most situations and you should never rejoice in failure no matter what lead to the fall, she was already planning however the rebuild. Her son however was a weak boy and still very young and understood not to press till he was stronger having been wounded by this experience.

Feeling no point to observe his surroundings knowing nothing would be out of place Edd sank down on his already neatly pressed and made bed burying him self deep into his hands. Dragging his fingers trying to physically pull the reality away from him he bawled his hands in fists and made an unpleasant expression. Hatred,disgust,fear. Something he didn't deserve to be feeling right now. The right for self-pity in ones situation isn't after something so meaningless. He wanted to scream and cry out but held some composure. A voice broke the silence but he didn't listen in till who ever spoke persisted.

"Dude don't tell me you came back a pot head but kept the sock?" a gentle twitch in his lips made him nervously laugh at his friends attempt at humour. Averting his eyes towards the voice he needed no visual confirmation to know the speaker.

"Eddy, you know I would never experiment with such a dangerous and addictive habit" the tone he used was false humour but he knew his character well enough to know currently this was true. Eddy laughed and Ed not understanding the joke laughed on cue and they both sat either side of Edd on the bed. Eddy extended one arm for a sort of friendly hug and they sat there in a silence that Edd could only describe as loud but friendly. Over the years his friends had changed but only with the physical changes age brings. Ed was now a tall at least six-foot three muscular frame, with the same blank expression and slightly longer but short red hair cut you could recognise him. Daily he wore pretty much the same over sized clothing mostly his wardrobe were band shirts or some crude suggestive joke which made Edd wonder if he was really as naive as he came. Though Edd wished he could see more growth in Eddy he was still the shortest of the three with a tragic bachelor dress sense and he tried to live the life style with no success. His friends had grown handsome but this went unnoticed because it was a unique beauty and the majority of Eddy's came from understanding him deeper.

The feeling of belonging returned to Edd though this is what he feared would happen. To belong to a place that seemed to be going nowhere staying still but for now the weight on his chest had lightened slightly. Edd wanted nothing more but to grab both his friends and embrace them and just lie embracing and wrapped in there love and friendship. Eddys arm was so warm and inviting he felt and he only had to extend his arm slightly to skim across Eds own individual warmth but he knew this wasn't expected interaction of young adults their age.

"I love you guys" Edd confessed with a content expression. He heard his friends just laugh in agreement in one quick gesture as they rested both their heads on Edd.

"We missed you"


	2. Chapter 2

It was a twisted sense of humour but Edd slept the best that night than he had for months. He woke up feeling refreshed,free,safe and an odd sensation of what he could only describe as happiness without good reason. Stretching every muscle possible even extending his toes to their limits a smile would feel appropriate but the four walls that housed him caused his situation to crash down around him reminding him what had happened. Edd wouldn't smile, but he refused to make a sad expression. adjusting his position Edd lay on his side pulling his blanket up tighter around his shoulders so he could gaze and the only item in his room he felt any personal attachment to.

It wasn't something expensive or new,it didn't even fit in with his color scheme. It was a picture frame that the buyer had paid a dollar for,a hideous shade of bright green. The frame of course wasn't important but the fact they sought to even buy the frame sparked a warm flame in Edd that melted away his cold feelings. The frame held the photograph taken of Edd and his two friends Ed,Eddy. The feeling of belonging Edd felt last night had always been preserved in this "god awful tacky frame" Edd thought aloud laughing to him self in a whisper. When Edd was staring at the photo his emotions were torn,the world wasn't so bleak. He couldn't live still forever.

Edd looked away. If things were different and he had been another person Edd always thought that he would like to stay still never leaving his town,get a low paid job and settle down. Doing what many of his neighbors around him had done before him and what he knew his friends were destined to do but Edd didn't want to simply exist! he wanted to understand. He felt like he knew so little and with all this spare time suddenly all he could think about was what he didn't understand. It frustrated him to feel so clueless but it was a frustration beyond his grasp,it couldn't be fixed. he knew the more he dwelled on it the more exhausting it would become.

He found himself once again being littered with negativity and gave in to the screaming whispers from the furthest end of his subconscious and glanced back to the photograph. licking his lips he noted his dry cracked lips then connected the thought to his suddenly dry mouth. Throwing aside his bed covers Edd lifted him self in an up right position staring down at the floor in shame. The urge to scratch his knuckles starting to twitch his finger tips.

A mother will always be there for her son. The pain of child-birth is of course a good reminder and memory to keep the life you created, Edd's mother never forgot any detail. a part of the reason she became so succesful. Finishing off her list of rules and chores she took a minute to observe her penmanship on the several crude yellow sticky notes. Though Crude,always effective when raising her son. She was pleased with her work it, was perfectly written and was instructive but the gentle curve in her writing?Made her handwriting seem more motherly. Just as she went to leave for work and put aside her notes she hesitated. Something seemed missing in her notes but for the life of her she couldn't quite calculate what she may have possibly been lacking.

"Forever the perfectionist" Her husband laughed interrupting her thoughts. He was a kind man but hard-working. He forgot how to be a family man and had become unattached to his only son and for that he felt guilty.

"you know" he continued "you could stay...you seem worried. He may not want to be by himself,you don't seem to keen on leaving him alone" He spoke informaly only when in the presence of their own company but you could hear the warmth in his tone when he did so. If he spoke to others more in this way perhaps he'd have more people to care for,two was enough.

She twitched her left hand slightly and almost violently placed the note down on the kitchen counter controlling the urge to lose control. She blamed her lack of sleep and considered the case closed as she left her home for work.

When Edd ventured downstairs he found a familiar empty house. Silence screamed from the walls pulling Edd out of his thoughts of shame,part of him grateful. He ate breakfast but it had taken him roughly thirty minutes to put together something with a more adventurous flavour that he felt he craved from such bland ingredients. A bowl of thick porridge and some lemon tart to flavour he'd found in a jar that had clearly aged with parts of the label faded. At first the lemon was bitter exploding on his tongue as it collided and covered his taste buds leaving a distinct flavour. This caused him to slightly consider another spoon but he continued and forced every spoonful.

Edd found his mothers notes. He remembered receiving his first letter of instruction and almost felt heat boil from a darker side of himself but it simmered. a long defeated sigh created sound through out the house and Edd decided to stop with his foul mood. Self pity,how ugly. He carried out all his chores routinely without reading the list.

Theres something about being on your own that nags at you. If you seek solitude by choice it's entirely different and this time can act as a moment of peace and clarity it gives you time to sort your thoughts. These other moments however are not peaceful but are like a shouting mirror image picking on any insecurities. It gives you too much time to think creating dark thoughts which seem impossible to escape.

Entirely alone. Thats how Edd felt. His jobs took him only three hours and that was at a leisurely pace among several tea breaks. Staring up at the clock in his bed room he fought the urge to turn to his bed side table. In a way he knew was twisted feeling so alone made him happy,almost proud. but the boredom the doing nothing made him feel wasteful and useless. Scratching had lost its sting an hour ago and now only realising it he examined his hands. Long,thin skeleton almost things. They seemed to big in places and they were making him think about himself. He was to thin,frail,nervous a shivering wreck. His school was only weeks from kicking him out he knew it. His good mood from this morning had left him but he was trying so hard to regain it but the room was so loud it made him strain not to respond to it. Any response he knew would lead to something more sinister then he'd ever ventured. Trying to clear his thoughts Edd knew that this morning he had been calm and rational and asked why now he had flipped to a different extreme? Almost to breaking point all thoughts were interrupted.

A large pebble from his mother's garden lay across his bedroom floor surrounded by the broken glass it had broken through. Edd took a moment to regain himself from his thoughts the last question he asked him self being the one that had worried him the most. Did I hear the glass shatter? Edd walked towards the window careful not to stand on any glass bare footed and saw his two friends standing below his window.

"Sorry Double D I didn't think it would break!" The shorter of the two in response to his friends stupid mistake only shoved him aside barking insults inquiring his stupidity. Edd in response lit up and without a thought raced downstairs. Flinging the door open he couldn't control his smiling and searched his front yard for his friends. Edd allowed him self three heartbeats of this careless joy as his eyes lay upon the two goons he called friends who were to busy bickering to notice. Inhaling deeply closing his eyes Edd's smile melted into something more subtle and peaceful. Exhaling he reopened his eyes and his thoughts returned to his new concern.

"Eddy you broke my window!" he found him self rushing to their side false anger in his voice as he gestured upwards.

"Me?!" Eddy dramatically recoiled protesting " No! That Idiot broke your window! jesus its like being his carer!" Edd listened to his ranting and excuses carefully but any actual words were lost. He just felt glad to now be with his friends.


	3. Chapter 3

"So last I heard the stupid bitch actually thinks Kevin will look after her" Edd after thirty minutes of discussing his window had cleaned up any broken glass and boarded up the window. All three now sat in his bedroom listening to Eddy's latest gossip of Naz's apparently sudden disappearance having the week before announced she was pregnant, it would seem her family didn't take it well. Ed sat obediently listening to Eddy's every word looking genuinely interested but Edd never cared much for gossip.

"Eddy please. This isn't civilised conversation can't we discuss something less vulgar? What concern of ours is it anyways" Eddy looked taken back by his interruption but a slow smirk replaced this.

"Okay,so tell us? you never kept in touch. Any girls you knocked up?" Edd stared in disbelief to this question. Ed remained silent but obviously interested in the response. The magic trio union from last night obviously didn't last long Edd thought,reminding him self sarcasm was the lowest form of wit.

"No Eddy" Edd tried to hide his embarrassment and twitched his head to the side looking away from there gaze "I haven't in fact ever engaged in any sexual activity, a fact I am proud of" a lie.

Eddy tried to lighten the mood by diverting attention from Edd to Ed with some random insults he knew would spark a lively response. Eddy knew his friend had never had sex but could tell by his response his friend wasn't as cool as he'd acted. Ed was sweet,though Eddy was a man so would never openly call him sweet but Ed didn't always seem...there? It was like he was vacant and talking or dealing him felt similar to that of a child. No one ever questioned Ed's being slow and just mocked it but Eddy thought it was because his parents were too scared to face an anser. A problem isn't a problem unless its labeled such. Eddy would deal with Edd once his thick-headed friend had left.

Edd's mother had mentioned in her notes that she and her husband would be away for several days. It was work related and his situation couldn't disturb weeks of planning as it was work related. The three boys had sat for hours talking and messing around occasionally one of them would change the background music complaining about the other boys taste. It was 10pm and Ed had went home.

The silence between the two friends was uncomfortable and very different from the night before and Edd wasn't to clear why the sudden tension even existed,but he felt it.

"So" Eddy spoke first "Why didn't you keep in touch?" was his first question but the first question only triggered something he'd been bottling up. He didn't feel like waiting for a response. "Why didn't you tell me something was going wrong? Why didn't you ever call,why are you acting like everything is normal?" Eddy just felt it snap " WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"

Edd didn't reply. He knew his friend wasn't asking questions he directly meant but the last one stung. As they grew up, apart of the reason he felt their friendship survived was because they never spoke about what was important. They never got personal,opened up or showed real emotion. As they got older they both watched as their other friend stayed still and it caused them pain but it meant they both grew closer in response. Edd knew Eddy wasn't bright, that didn't mean he was stupid. He always seemed to know Edd, he didn't like that.

"you didn't even text me" Eddy didn't bother to hide how hurt he was. He wore a bright red floral shirt and a chunky fake gold chain. His pants were slack and so was his shirt but Eddy admitted he was slightly over weight. Eddy always dressed to fit an image, slack cloths hid the fact he was a bit heavier than he should be. The gold chain showed off wealth that he didn't poses and the shirts? A fun free spirit that wasn't to serious. Right now though Eddy didn't care how he looked.

"I meant it, I missed you. I mean we never talk but we do talk." exposed Eddy felt out of character but for once he felt relief from these emotions "truth is double Dee" It felt good,like a sudden rush he could suddenly put words to his true emotions. "your more than just a friend, I never been with all the girls I said in high school. your more than a frien-"

"Eddy!" Edd couldn't listen anymore. Eddy sighed and decided he was right and allowed his eyes to wonder down at Edd's lap breaking eye contact. When they became so close he didn't remember but he found him self inches away from the other boys body. Face to face,he could feel his friends own warmth. He wanted it,a carnal desire.

"your my best friend" Eddy weakly ended his rant blinking away his tears. Mixed with all these emotions Eddy felt like he knew exactly what he wanted amongst this confusion. This isn't the ending he wanted. Edd looked pained,like at any moment he would give up. Eddy had lost Ed, he didn't want to finally lose double Dee and grow up alone here. Something till yesterday he thought had happened.

"why you gotta make everything so dramatic" Eddy laughed to break the tension and forced a smirk. "you're a total fag!" Edd seemed to suddenly relax and defended his earlier actions. The tension was hidden with a familiar scene of friends relaxing and chatting like before Ed had left but deep down Eddy flinched.

His own last comment was directed as a joke at Edd but it hurt. Eddy felt it cut him with just that one .


	4. Chapter 4

Edd before he moved away had said goodbye to Eddy in person but in truth had left him months before in his thoughts, the minute he received his acceptance letter he left. He detached him self from those around him but with very little attachments to speak of it wasn't something he found difficult. He had left to meet new people to better him self and seek new opinions to challenge his own.

Yet here he was. He laid wide awake staring up at the blank canvas of his ceiling next to his old friend Eddy. A friend who had always been around him growing up who used to pose a challenge but Edd had decided had out grown any contribution to Edd's own personal growth. Eddy had shocked him,he'd given him a new experience. There was still a tension in the air since their argument previously. If you could call it an argument Edd asked him self. He never expected to see the beautiful side of Eddy,he knew it existed but they had never had emotions with each other.

Not all friendships are based on sharing. A friends support system can be heartless and quite if you all understand that this is the support system you built around yourselves. Fake laughter when in pain and false smiles,it works to get you through. You ignore the problem and move on laughing at your own suffering. It may seem cold and destructive as an outsider but it had always worked.

Eddy changed the system tonight and in doing so challenged Edd to evaluate his friendship and himself. Edd knew once he had risen to the challenge and evaluated all issues that were raised to meet a new conclusion,he'd have grown. In his own words he saw personal development as a result of new human interactions and experiences, this change challenged him to do something he'd never done. The beautiful side of Eddy was in it's own right a new person.

For the first time in months Edd felt like he'd grown and he hadn't even worked it all out yet,nor did he want to. He savoured this moment tasting the sweet taste. He knew this moment would be brief but Edd felt the sting of having been wrong about a person in the best possible way. He had knew Eddy his whole life and yet today he didn't,this was someone all new though he wasn't scared. It was strange when faced with something new and unfamiliar to him he had broken down previously but he had prepared for the experience months in advanced. Now,back in defeat. He faced a challenge and wasn't twitching.

the blank canvas he faced played as a surface to project his thoughts whilst he played through their previous conversation. Eddy was about to tell him something he never thought he would see or even existed. Of course Edd stopped him, what Eddy was about to suggest was not what friends shared especially two the same gender. He couldn't promise him self he wouldn't have accepted the challenge which was why he felt it was wise to stop him. Edd thought back to his love interests,on surface they had always been strong characters importantly female. In secret he had looked to Kevin, he had the illusion of a deeper character but once Edd had looked more in depth at this interest he saw only visual stimulation. Thinking back being close to others had never held importance to him, the idea of anything more than friendship had been paid even lesser thought.

Sex was something he had thought about. He had heard of the pleasures his urges could bring,played with pleasures he could bring him self. When he explored these pleasures he tried everything possible to him including more than a quick jerk or pull. These sudden thoughts made him blush checking quickly to see if Eddy was indeed sleeping. The sudden thought that Eddy may had been awake added a new thought of being caught,a deep desire filled his eyes. Edd had little experiences with lust but it always made him feel more adult. Lust was something he felt held a new experience every time he encountered it. Licking his lips Edd draped his eyes over Eddy wishing at any minute the boy next to him would wake.

Edd wasn't entirely sure he'd have welcomed Eddy's challenge had he been allowed to propose it though he was certainly sure now he'd have accepted it none the less. But right now all he wanted in the deepest part of him was for Eddy to share with an experience he'd longed for. A kiss. With a new sense of courage forgetting his nerves ever existed Edd in a swift movement positioned him self on top of Eddy. He was light and was grateful as this was to his advantage not to wake him.

Hovering over Eddy's body which seemed to radiate such heat Edd inhaled his scent deeply from the crook of his neck. It was driving him deeper into his own desires and all thoughts before him seemed to be clouded but he couldn't care. Driven by instinct he hosted along eddy's neck with his lips untill he finally reached his. His lips were only centimeters away,his breath on his. So close.

Edd froze every part of him called to attention. What was he doing?! Edd scolded him self as he jumped away from his friend still with effort not to wake him. Scratching his arms Edd looked down at his own erection and violently twitched his neck letting out a quick sound of desperation. What was he even thinking?! Biting down hard on his lip he allowed another muffled cry leave his body.

Edd stopped scratching to hold his neck still to fight the twitching that violently jerked his head. Fighting the urge to verbly cry his frustrations Edd left the room quickly and sunk to the floor once the door was firmly shut biting hard into his own hand his whole body twitching slightly. Now he was scared. Edd screamed at him self but then cursed. If he woke Eddy he would never forgive his break in social grace.

Edd bit down hard,his eye site being clouded by white.


End file.
